Birthday Bash Bested Bexleyheath & Belvedere

Sutton Valence dominated proceedings with a resounding 15-0 win over ninth placed BBHC to go a point clear at the top of Invicta Division 3. In reply BBHC were limited to 4 short corners, only one of these on target to disturb the home keeper from teachings with Siddhartha Gautama and the path to enlightenment. Short corners aside, it was a one-sided affair and a busy day for the travelling defence and keepers.
Andy Turnill led the rout, netting inside the first five minutes to open proceedings, then wrapping up his hat-trick fifteen minutes later with some tidy interplay with Alex Stamp. The two goals bifurcating a looped deflected drag flick from a short.
Matt Luksich, exemplifying the term “it’ll be alright on the night”, made it 4-0 with a well-placed drag flick, his woeful efforts during warm up saved the best for the game. The home team’s fifth came from captain and birthday boy Alex Stamp, deflecting a cross high into the net before anyone could say “for he’s a jolly good fellow”.
“Magnum PI” McVarish (Angus) netted for the first time in village colours shortly before the break. However, scoring his first goal for Sutton Valence was bitter-sweet as it turned out to be his first disallowed goal, and so it was to remain 5-0 at the turn.
The detail is unknown but presumably a “well if you think you can do any better” jibe led to BBHC swapping their keeper and centre back during the interval. Brave words if he knew there would be a “Nutmegging”, quite literally, 5 minutes later. With no warm up, his first duty was to face a penalty flick. Dan Brooks stepped up and duly welcomed the second-half keeper to the village by hitting him in the nuts, adding the “meg” as the ball deflected in. Subsequently, goals came fluidly and in 9 minutes Valence reached double figures. Matt Luksich completing his brace, and the first of 4 pairs for the team, smashing the ball past the winded centre-back-come-keeper. Alex Stamp was the second to complete a jug-avoiding pair, wrapping up his birthday present two minutes later with another shot from open play. Andy Turnill, intercepting in the dee twelve minutes into the half, added to his tally and, while the centre-back-come-keeper was bemoaning his keeper-come-centre-back for the interception, “non-PI” McVarish (Fred) netted neatly to make it 10-0.
An eight minute respite for the scoreboard followed and saw some fancy, albeit deemed deliberate, footwork from Brooks outside Valence’s dee to earn him a green and the visitors a short corner (cue the Valence keeper for his cameo).
And so it came to pass, that in the twenty-second minute of the second half, in the second month of the year, in the second millennium anno domini, that McVarish the junior (Angus) scored his first bona fide goal for the village sweetly taken on the reverse. Two minutes later Chris Back added his name to the scoresheet diving to deflect in Clayton Pohio‘s cross at the far post. Angus McVarish, now with a taste for finishing, doubled his goals scored for the Club, this time on the forehand to prove he’s equally adept, and in doing so becoming the third of four jug avoiders which he duly converted in the pub post-match. Chris Back completed a scoring tit-for-tat with McVarish (Angus, PI) netting for his second and having started the goal-fest, Andy Turnill closed proceedings with his fifth for the day.

Post-match notes: Unanimous vote for Stamp DoD for calling to vote DoD
Slacks and Lucky, self-proclaimed in being instrumental in trebling the score card in the second half.
Blanchard leading the double dining following a gifted sausage, chips and beans with chilli and rice;
Beer-jugs, dual birthday celebrations for Lewis Mitchell and Captain Stamp, and six nations viewing.

Goals: Andy Turnill (5, 13, 18, 47, 67); Matt Luksich (23, 41); Alex Stamp (33, 43); Dan Brooks (40); Fred McVarish (49); Angus McVarish (57, 62); Chris Back (59, 64)

Team: Stewart Young, Russell Blanchard, Matt Luksich, Clayton Pohio, Chris Back, Dan Brooks, Angus McVarish, Fred McVarish, Jack Davies, Andy Turnill, Alex Stamp (C).

Match report by Stewart Young.

Next week the 1st Xl are away against Canterbury Millers at 11:00 on pitch 3.