THE PERFECT TEN?

Arriving at Polo Farm, the weather was overcast, but mild. Fighting off bugs, the effects of last night’s Goachers intake and shoddy workmanship at the Land Rover specialists, Valence arrived with a compliment of 13, plus two of the clubs most regular supporters.
Table toppers Valence are not known for their vigorous or engaged warm-ups. This was especially the case with Birthday Boy and Plyometric lead Dan Brooks missing. The warm-up was as lacklustre as DT’s black shorts.
Sticks in, an unusually loud ‘Valence’ shout and the match was underway, Valence seizing the initiative with a goal in the first minute. From push back, Clayton Pohio supplied a direct pass into the D for Andy Turnill to deflect the ball into the goal, before half of the SV team had a touch (and anyone from Canterbury was allowed to have a go). Allegedly timed at 26 seconds, it is the fastest goal of the season (so far). 0-1.
This was to start an ample flow of goals for the rest of the match! Andy Turnill added a second from a short corner within the first five minutes. 0-2. The Chairman, Lewis Mitchell, wasn’t going to let the flu interrupt his recent scoring form. Battling into the D and adding a third shortly after. 0-3.
Canterbury’s attacks were limited, but there were occasions that they called the SV defence into action. An attack down the left wing, saw Gus over commit. Green Card. ‘I knew I was pushing it, but I didn’t think it was a green’… Take two Gus. Down to 10 men for two minutes. Valence weren’t going to let up. Fred MV forcing another short corner. Andy T stepped up and completed his first half hat trick. 0-4.
Captain Stamp was running around upfront like a man trying to sweat out a winter vomiting bug. He narrowly missed a reverse stick LBZ as it ‘tinged’ off the post. Had it have crept in, it was a definite candidate for goal of the season. Shortly after he did however, find the back of the net with a less spectacular effort. 0-5.
The Chairman was not to be outdone. Unfortunately, loyal supporter Tessa was not there to see it, but Lewis Mitchell joined Andy Turnill with a first half hat trick, adding two more goals before the break. 0-7.
At halftime, Valence were comfortable, but there was a collective opinion that there was better play and therefore more goals to come. It was correctly pointed out that more stern tests were to come and there was an opportunity to play better quality hockey that would benefit Valence in weeks to come. Maybe there would have been fewer confused faces if Chris Back had remembered his white board.
Valence were keen to carry on where they left off and set out with a strong press. Fred McVarish and the evergreen Chris Johnson continued to be the engines in midfield, supported by the rampaging Chris Back. Johnson added to his New Year trickle of goals after strong interplay through the midfield. 0-8.
Canterbury were beaten, but they continued to probe and caused Valence a few problems on the break, winning a handful of short corners, which caused Valence some discomfort, but nothing more as Young was up to the challenge. Valence continued to dominate, with ‘The Engine’ McVarish bossing the midfield and demanding high standards from his team. Captain Stamp was a constant menace at the top of the pitch, he added a second late in the second half. 0-9.
The match was over as a contest a long time before and Valence were beginning to experiment with the line-up, which did not add to the quality. However, quality always does shine through. There was time to make double digits as Clayton Pohio pushing forward rounded out the performance, finding the backboard. 0-10. As the final whistle blew, Valence reflected on a job well done and headed to the club house for a welcome ration pack of sausage and chips. No beans, but we will let that one slide.
Next week, Valence head to Gravesham and Welcome, for a postponed pre-Christmas fixture. With Valence at the top of the league and G&W in third (with a game in hand), this is set to be a tough test, especially with goal machine Andy Turnill on the (possibly green) slopes.

Goals: Andy Turnill (3); Lewis Mitchell (3); Alex Stamp (2); Chris Johnson; Clayton Pohio.

Team: Fred McVarish; Angus McVarish; Richard Turnill; Russell Blanchard; Chris Back; Andy Turnill; Jack Davies; Lewis Mitchell; Stewart Young; Alex Stamp; Brett Angel; Chris Johnson; Clayton Pohio.

Cards Green – Angus McVarish

Match report by Richard Turnill

Next week the 1st Xl are away playing a previously postponed game against Gravesham & Wellcome 1st Xl at 11:45.