Saturday morning, the Sutton Valence squad arrived to play Blackheath in the freezing cold. The kind of cold that makes you question your life choices, your career choices, and whether toes are technically optional. The game started late as we watched the ladies of the village educate us in the ways of hockey. Having taken note we waddled onto the pitch like penguins in the Arctic.
The game kicked off with Sutton Valence looking surprisingly lively, lively for a team whose warmup resembled a group of clueless members of the Happy Feet cast. The early exchanges were dominant from Sutton Valence, until Alistair Robinson produced the breakthrough. No one is entirely sure what happened, whether the ball ricocheted, deflected, rolled politely, or teleported into the net, but for now: Sutton Valence 1–0. Let’s move on.
Blackheath pushed back with a couple of threatening attacks, but Ross in goal handled them with the calm confidence of a man who’d spent most of the half wondering if his gloves were actually warming his hands or just emotionally supporting them. Every now and then he was called into action, reminding everyone he was still awake and not, in fact, frozen to the goalpost. Half-time arrived with Sutton Valence leading 1–0 and feeling in control.
Then came the second half, and Sutton Valence came out flying or in Seb’s case flying into the opposition.
The second goal was a masterpiece of chaos. Alex Stanford made a gorgeous run, slaloming through defenders with the grace of a caffeinated horse. He thought he had smacked it to top corner until Alex Sandburg arrived like a man possessed and stole it on the line. The celebration was half joy and half “yes I am absolutely taking credit for that.”
The third goal fell to Seb, who was playing like a steam train that had recently developed a mild grudge against Blackheath. Bearing down on goal, he sent the keeper the wrong way with the composure of a young Paul Scholes. 3–0.
Next came the fourth: a lovely finish from Duncan Field, who had been brilliant all game and clearly decided it was time everyone noticed. A great strike and his first of two now Sutton Valence were cruising.
Then, the pièce de résistance: a beautiful team move, slick passing, clever movement, and Duncan popping up again to slot home Sutton Valence’s fifth. A goal so good it almost made everyone forget how cold they were. Almost.
At the back, Rob and Nick were absolute rocks. Unflappable and Unbothered. Russ bombed up and down the wings from full back, desperate to grab a goal for himself without any success.
On the opposite flank Nick was defensively solid and to everyone’s shock took what was widely agreed to be his first shot since approximately 1960.
In midfield, Seb, Duncan, and Stuart ran the show with crunching tackles, smart passing, and enough work rate to heat the pitch up. Out wide, James, Alistair and Alex Stanford caused havoc, while also tracking back tirelessly.
Up top, Alex Sandburg ran selflessly all game, stretching the defence and creating space, and Duncan Wills who led the line did well not to score a goal in a 5-0 win.
Blackheath had their moments, but each time, Sutton Valence shut the door, barricaded it, triple-locked it, and put a sofa in front for good measure.
Overall, a great win for Sutton Valence and great momentum to take with them for a post Christmas push for promotion.

Report By: Russ Blanchard

Goals: Alistair Robinson, Seb O'Leary, Alex Sandberg, Duncan Field x2

Team:
Ross Mackay
Mark Whitmill
Nick Hall
Russ Blanchard
Stuart Edmed
Seb O'Leary
Alastair Robinson
Alex Stanford
Duncan Field
Alex Sandburg
Duncan Wills
Rob Harrison
James Aldrich

Next Match: Gillingham (H) 10/01/2026