The final outing of the season saw SVHC travel to sunny Ashford with league position already secured—3rd place wrapped up with a bow—while Ashford were still clinging to Division 1 survival like a man clinging to the last chip in the post‑match clubhouse. Expectations? Ashford fighting for their lives; SVHC turning up as relaxed as a goalkeeper in a testimonial match.

Because when the dust settled, Sutton Valence had delivered an emphatic, resounding, borderline impolite 8–2 victory.

The team gathered in a changing room , and the Ashford soundtrack of AC/DC set the scene beautifully. And so the whiteboard went up one final time, presumably steaming as much as the room itself.

Nevertheless, focus was found. Interim skipper Lewis Mitchell rallied the group as memories of Josh Houston’s 30th bar crawl resurfaced—particularly where it all went wrong for Barney Hall.

A leisurely warm‑up led to a sleepy opening five minutes. Ashford struck first. Their fans, understandably shocked, celebrated as if they’d just won the league.

SVHC flicked the switch out of first gear and into something resembling turbo mode. The defending became gritty, energetic, and downright possessive—every 50/50 turning into an 80/20 in Valence’s favour.

Enter: Fred “Scottish International, Goachers Enthusiast” McVarish.

Ashford’s recurring nightmare.
Another game, another hat‑trick.

His now‑iconic short‑corner routine—The McV Clip™️—once again swung momentum, sending SVHC into halftime 4–1 up and looking borderline ruthless.

Second Half:

SVHC’s back four swaggered into the half as if performing an exhibition: channel to channel, midfield slicing their way through like hot knives through Ashford butter.

Tom Millington and Richard Turnill dominated the right flank with surgical precision. Everything they built stemmed from one man:

Chris “The Magic” Johnson.

What a game.
Confidence oozing.
Passing crisp.
Aerials thrown like confetti at a wedding.

By the hour mark, he had evolved beyond human:
a unicorn, sprinkling glittery hockey magic, before assisting a goal with a tomahawk from the edge of the D.

A special mention to Chris Back handled the handbags like a seasoned pro.

Meanwhile, SVHC hunted a final goal for Alex Stamp to seal back‑to‑back Golden Sticks.

But Rob Cockayne, positioned somewhere on a distant hillside with telescope and walkie‑talkie, issued strict orders to deny him.

A Season to Remember

Despite the chaos, the final whistle sealed a superb season:

Only one away defeat all year

100 goals scored

90% win rate over four seasons

Just 9 losses in that time

27 players contributing to the 1st XI this year

Depth, adaptability, and a squad mentality that would make most teams jealous.

Huge shoutouts to:

Harrison Sharpe & Christ Stille, stepping up brilliantly.

Russ Blanchard, evergreen at left back: calm, classy, and about as easy to beat as a brick wall.

Stu Young, repelling Ashford’s efforts and swatting shots like flies

Goals: Fred McVarish x3, Alastair Carter x3, Alexander Stamp, Lewis Mitchell

Report By: Alastair Carter

Team:
Stu Young (GK)
Richard Turnill
Steve Parker
James Stanford
Russ Blanchard
Chris Johnson
Lewis Mitchell (interim capt)
Fred McVarish
Al Carter
Tom Millington
Alex Stamp
Harrison Sharpe
Chris Stille

Next Match: September 2026