Three is the Magic Number

A well trained and drilled side is ready to play, whenever and wherever. The Sutton Valence 2nd XI is full of stories of how we might have once been this team. ‘The older I get, the better I was’ etc. In all fairness to Valence, as recently as 10th December they had actually won a game (against all the odds – no kit, drunk midfield, no keeper kit etc) away at Deal. Largely left to their own devices since then the squad had undertaken a seasonal training regime.

Fast forward six weeks. The 2nd X1 turned up in Dartford largely on time to face an always tricky Burnt Ash team, mixed with youngsters and angry older people. The Valence warm up, mainly consisted of changing room banter and praising the new kit. On to the pitch and there was barely enough time to undercut a few strikes at the keeper, which was lucky because Stewie was running late and was the last man on the pitch.

The match got underway. The umpire quickly (no more than 30 seconds in) identified that Johnson’s pre-match warm up had been insufficient and sent him to the side line for a couple of minutes to complete his stretching. Back up to full strength Valence were quickly on their game and actually playing quite well; strong in possession and proving a threat. Any Burnt Ash pressure was quickly soaked up by the magnificent Valence defence.

Valence were the more dangerous team going forward though and were quickly 2 nil up. Johnson providing for Walker to LBZ the first and Willson bundling in the second with the finesse of a recently born Giraffe.

Burnt Ash got themselves in the game. The older midfield enforcer thread a ball through to a whippet up front who got a lucky bounce and lifted the ball over the on rushing Young. Cack-handed Turnill on the line couldn’t get enough on it to change the result. Burnt Ash were on the score sheet.

Just before the break, Burnt Ash, full of confidence burst through the usually impenetrable Valence defence. Once again Young came rushing out, this time the ball trickled towards the goal. Lighting would not strike twice, Turnill dived, time stood still, as he crashed to ground, either he got a stick to the ball, or the seismic shudder, deflected the ball wide. Valence survived to fight another day. Still 2-1 to the visitors.

Captain Fantastic’s half time team talk was a psychological masterpiece. Clearly he sought to inspire us, by getting the facts wrong. ‘Right, so we are 2-2, we need to start winning’. He changed the formation and sent us on our way. Three at the back, three in the middle, everyone else up front.

At the start of the second half, the Captain did make the rest of us look pretty stupid, the scores were quickly levelled. A Burnt Ash short corner, a questionable push out technique, Rob Ife’s toys out the pram, a trip to the sin bin, two left at the back to defend the short, criticisms being handed out all over the park, Willson chirping up etc. 2-2.

Having not played since Christmas, Valence were still in the festive spirit. It was quickly 2-3, then 2-4. Down to 10 men, SV tried to get themselves in the game, Walker and Padwick engaged in a game of, ‘who can commit the most obvious stick tackle and then look the most innocent’. It didn’t help much, neither umpire saw the funny side. Both were invited to take a break at the side line.

Back to a full compliment and with five minutes to go, Valence decided to seize their opportunity. Padwick stepped up, 3-4. Was it a conciliation? Four minutes to go, Valence kept pressing, Captain Fantastic decided to rile the troops, rolling back the years to find his alter ego ‘Spaniard’.

Out of gas and out on their feet, Valence made the ball do the work. Willson crashed forward again, 4-4. The clock was ticking, time was nearly up, surely a draw was a fair result? Valence had the ball and pushed forward. Was there time for one last attack? Turnill was released down the right, it wasn’t mazy, it wasn’t brisk, he was largely unchallenged and he made it to the base line (Captain’s voice ringing in his ears) he dug a cross out to find the Angel, who would defected to Padwick to finish. Halleluiah! 4-5. Virtually the last play of the match. Valence picked up in 2017, where they left 2016. On the winning side of a high scoring ‘thriller’!