An unseasonably warm Kentish morning saw a strong Sutton Valence 2’s side gather at Marden for another South East Men’s Division Seven fixture. Valence ran through their customary pre-match gentle stretches in the sunshine, nervously noting Marden’s well-drilled and enthusiastic pre-match routine. More than one Valence team member remarked with some surprise about the opposition’s use of training bibs during their admirably vigorous warm up.
Marden pushed back, or rather forward, sportingly playing the ball to Valence to set the tone early on for what was generally to be a commendably good-tempered game. It soon became clear that the match was going to be won or lost in midfield, with messers Willson, Tragett and the returning-from-injury Darren Thompson pulling the strings for Valence in the middle of the park. Thompson eased himself back into things by introducing himself early on to Angry Marden Man️. A foul-mouthed tirade of “back off” from Dazzler caught the umpire’s attention, and caused one of the opposition to remark on the beauty of kindred spirits finding each other on the pitch so quickly.
The two sides tentatively probed each other in a notably cautious opening 10 minutes or so, before Valence’s midfield began to assert itself and put some nice passes together. Smart interplay between Tragett, Willson and Hodges started to pay dividends, and it was not long after this opening passage of play that Valence had its first clear sight of goal through a firm pass clipped into the D towards reliable goal machine Rob Cockayne. Sadly, it immediately became apparent that Cockayne’s 9-goal heroics for the 3’s the previous week had substantially depleted his deep well of finishes and that this week was to be rather less fruitful hunting, for Cockayne himself and - as it transpired - the Valence forward line in general.
Around 20 minutes in Angry Marden Man️ was invited, whilst loudly protesting his innocence, to spend five minutes thinking about his behaviour after a rather agricultural stick tackle on Adrian Gander. It later transpired that this was not time well spent.
Although lacking a cutting edge in spite of their brief numerical advantage, Sutton Valence were not overly troubled during the first half with the midfield comfortable in possession, and when necessary able to call upon some smart defending from Gander, Barr, Parker and the unusually deployed Chris Sheldon at right back. Valence were however somewhat uncharacteristically lacklustre off the ball – Jürgen Klopp would not have been at all happy with the team’s lousy lack-of-attempt at gegenpressing – which played no small part in the first half finishing with honours shared at 0-0.
Hunger, or lack thereof, was thoroughly discussed at half time and seemingly taken to heart, seeing Valence starting the second half with notably more purpose after returning the earlier courtesy of passing the ball directly to Marden at the off. Several waves of fine interplay between Hodges, Willson, Tragett and the roaming not-quite-right-back Sheldon began to tell, and numerous chances fell in the first few minutes to, variously, Cockayne and Wills. Lady luck continued to desert the forward line however, whilst smiling on the fine Marden keeper, and the team no doubt began to wonder if a frustrating morning beckoned. This may perhaps have explained Angry Marden Man️’s second meaningful contribution the game, as he attempted to inflict a minor dose of GBH on Tom Willson and his stick which saw him granted a yellow opportunity to again reflect upon his conduct.
This time the numerical supremacy and continuing waves of pressure exerted by the Valence midfield eventually told 15 minutes into the second half, with the in-form Tom Willson just managing to get his stick onto a trademark bouncing Thompson pass into the D to divert the ball around the Marden keeper. A slightly nervous wait followed for Valence before the umpire rightly awarded the goal that their pressure, notwithstanding the regrettable profligacy in front of goal, deserved.
Moments later Willson was unlucky to be denied a second, following an extremely sweetly-struck attempt on goal from the edge of the D, which a Marden defender somehow managed to get a stick on to deflect wide of the goal. Whilst no doubt claiming credit for a fine block in the clubhouse after the game, the obvious confusion he showed in attempting to determine where the ball had gone suggested the block may not have been quite as deliberate as it first appeared.
Valence continued to apply pressure to the end of the game, with Barr and Sheldon increasingly able to barrel forward in support of the attack, and seeing Hodges unfortunate not to add a second Valence goal when one-on-one with the keeper. Even Robinson’s late attempt to emulate Angry Marden Man️’s tackling technique couldn’t detract from what was in the end a more comfortable Valence victory than the 0-1 scoreline suggested. The enthusiastic second half Sutton Valence performance segued into a fine effort at match teas to wrap up a very satisfying morning and another 3 points for the 2s.

Goals: Tom Willson.

MoM: Tom Willson

Team: Ross Mackay; Rob Cockayne; Duncan Wills; Alastair Robinson; Chris Sheldon; Alex Hodges; Ben Tragett; Duncan Field; Andy Barr; Darren Thompson; Steve Parker; Tom Willson; Adrian Gander.
Umpires: Provided by Marden.

Next week the 2nd Xl are at home against Blackheath & Elthamians Highwaymen at 15.45.

Match report by Alastair Robinson.